i feel very, very sad because neither of you have anything you could be bothered to say to me.
i am angry because you suck up to other girls, you giggle and make jokes, you ask them questions like you care about their answers, but you don't even say good morning to me when i step into the bathroom everysingleday.

i trained furiously tonight. i dared the clock to go faster. i sprinted repeats. i made every set harder for myself than it had to be. i shoved my arms through the water and i boiled the water with my toes. it's lucky that the water doesn't have feelings. it's lucky that i had the water to take it out on.

at dinner i had to mumble i need to go to the bathroom and virtually race out of the room so you two wouldn't see me crying and the hate and disgust in your eyes wouldn't permeate deeper.

i had this crazy misconception
that little sisters
were supposed to
look up to their big sisters.