lauren is a beautiful writer and you should all read her latest post because she tells my story in telling her story.


i haven't returned the sheet music i borrowed from church yet.
i forgot to bring catrina her makepovertyhistory band so many times that she bought one at a cd store.
i neglect my family, partly out of an attempt at self-preservation, but also partly because i can be lazy this way.
i don't swim anymore because i'm frightened about what the coach will say about my body, or even just how he will look at me with a smirk.
i wish i was confident enough to forgo make-up every morning.
i'm a flirt.
i am scared of my ego inflating so i don't pursue opportunities to sing more.
i am jealous of the people i love most.
i don't know how to cook, nor do i make any effort to learn.
i'm petrified of looking stupid, so i make a big joke out of my occasional blonde moments.
i want to be a writer, but i'll never believe in myself enough to sit down long enough to churn out anything decent.
i still want to be famous sometimes.
i am not happy with distinctions, and yet given the amount of work i'm doing lately distinctions are more than i deserve.
i spend more time listening to music than i do reading my bible some days.
i fall in love with anyone who shows me affection.
i think there's something wrong with me but i can't bring myself to tell someone who could help.
i am a burden.