there's a song that i can't hear without thinking of you. youyouyou in the first two notes of that chordal progression. those airy high notes (i normally hate airy high notes). those cliched lyrics (i normally hate cliched lyrics). it's not your fault. i happened to buy the cd around the same time you started living nearer to me and my emotions became a washing machine. but every time i hear this song i feel like maybe god's finger is on my shoulder. and he's pushing me in a certain direction. up and down at the same time. as low as the bottom notes of the bass line, as high as air.

the lyrics don't quite fit, you know. i like to reinterpret them, twist them in my head so they make sense for me and you. tidy up the edges and tuck in the folds. force them into that weird shape we have going for us.

it's the sentiment. maybe, i don't know, it's right for this. it could equally be wrong, but at least at the moment i'm ticking the first box, with a confidence i almost feel. and sometimes, you know, i play that song on repeat. test it out, harmonize to the chorus. you'd be glad to know i don't dance along to it in my room or anything. it's not as if there's much of the driving drum beats variety in there. but track eleven is getting a little worn out from all this spinning around.